Why Following Meal Plans Keeps You Stuck (And What to Do Instead)
Stop depending on diets and start trusting yourself. How to lose weight without following someone else's rules.
If I had a penny for every time a friend or acquaintance responded to my weight loss with “Just tell me what you eat,” I’d have a lot of pennies.
People want menus. Specific instructions. What to eat every day, when, and how much. They want someone to hand them the answers on a silver platter.
I get it. After years of struggling with weight, the promise of a clear plan feels like relief. Finally, someone will just tell you what to do!
But here’s what I believe to be true: menus are exactly what’s keeping you stuck.
And there’s a better way - one that will actually help you reach your long-term goals. One that makes you more likely to lose the weight and keep it off.
I’m going to show you why strict menus don’t work, what the research says, what you should do instead, and how to overcome the fear of going it alone.
The Problem with Menus: How We Got Here
The weight loss industry has conditioned us brilliantly. We’ve been taught that we need to follow The Plan. The cabbage soup diet. Keto. Weight Watchers points. Meal prep containers with exact portions.
And here’s the insidious part: we’ve internalized the belief that it’s binary. You’re either on the plan or off the plan. You’re either following the menu perfectly or you’ve failed.
Two cookies that weren’t on the list? Well, you’ve already blown it. Might as well finish the package and start fresh Monday.
This all-or-nothing thinking - this sense that any deviation equals failure - is the root cause of yo-yo dieting. It’s why you regain the weight. It’s why diets are doomed to fail.
And I believe our dependence on someone else’s menu is a huge part of the problem.
Why Strict Menus Keep You Stuck
Here’s what happens when you hand over control of your food choices to someone else’s plan.
1. Menus Disconnect You from Your Body
Think about what happens when you follow a strict meal plan.
Monday, 6pm: 120 grams grilled chicken, 1 cup broccoli, ½ cup brown rice.
You’re not checking in with yourself. You’re not asking: Am I hungry? What do I feel like eating - something warm and comforting, or fresh and crunchy? What would actually satisfy me right now?
You’re just following orders.
Over time, you stop paying attention to your hunger cues. To what tastes good. To what satisfies you. You become less and less attuned to your own body.
Here’s what that looks like in real life: The menu says some toast with cheese. But what you’re really craving is something sweet. So you eat the toast because that’s the plan. But you’re not satisfied. So you’re still searching, eating more, trying to fill a need that was never addressed. A small piece of chocolate would have done the job, but you never even checked in with what you wanted.
Food meets many needs - emotional, social, comforting, celebratory. When we blindly follow external instructions, we lose touch with what we actually need. The more distanced we become from our feelings and preferences, the more helpless we are when the plan inevitably stops working.
2. Menus Keep You Dependent
Prescribed menus perpetuate a damaging belief: that you can’t be trusted to make your own choices.
That you need someone else to decide what goes on your plate.
That you’re incapable of figuring out what works for your body and your life.
The more you rely on external plans, the less capable you feel. And the less capable you feel, the more anxious you become when things don’t go to plan (which they always do, because life).
Instead of thinking, “Hmm, this isn’t working - let me try something different,” you think, “I can’t do this without someone telling me what to do.”
You never build the skills to experiment, adapt, or problem-solve. You stay stuck in a cycle of dependency.
3. Menus Set You Up for All-or-Nothing Thinking
When you’re supposed to follow a plan perfectly, any misstep feels catastrophic.
You were supposed to have grilled fish but ended up at a birthday party with pizza. The plan is broken. You’ve failed. Might as well eat whatever you want now and start over Monday.
This is the trap. The plan becomes this fragile thing that collapses the moment real life happens. And it will happen - unexpected work dinners, kids’ activities, travel, a craving you can’t shake.
A rigid menu can’t adapt. So you’re left feeling like you’re constantly starting over, never making real progress.
4. Menus Can’t Accommodate Real Life
No menu can account for your work schedule, family dynamics, cultural background, cooking skills, budget, energy levels, or the fact that sometimes you wake up wanting eggs and sometimes the thought of eggs makes you queasy.
Life is messy and unpredictable. A prescribed menu creates constant friction with reality. And that friction is exhausting.
Flexibility Isn’t Just Feel-Good Advice. It’s Evidence-Based
You might be thinking, “But don’t I need structure to lose weight?”
Yes! But here’s what the research actually shows: flexible approaches work as well as or better than rigid prescriptions.
A major review on dietary adherence found that tailoring diets to individual preferences is crucial for improving adherence. And even more so: adherence, your ability to stick with it, is what predicts weight loss success, not the specific type of diet.
The researchers put it plainly: achieving high adherence matters more than the precise degree of calorie restriction. A flexible approach you can stick to beats a “perfect” rigid plan you quit after three weeks.
Studies comparing flexible versus rigid dieting found similar fat loss during the active phase, but the flexible group maintained better results afterward, particularly in preserving muscle mass. Research with overweight older women found that flexible eating behavior predicted greater weight loss compared to rigid dietary restraint.
Even in tightly controlled research environments where scientists monitor every bite, people can’t maintain perfect adherence to prescribed menus. If it doesn’t work in a lab, why would we expect it to work in your chaotic, beautiful, messy real life?
The pattern is clear: flexibility doesn’t compromise results. It often improves them.
What You Need Instead: Frameworks and Guidelines, Not Menus
So if not a menu, then what?
You need a framework. A set of guidelines. Guardrails within which you have freedom to choose.
Here’s the difference:
A menu says: Eat 120 grams grilled chicken, 1 cup broccoli, and ½ cup brown rice at 6pm.
A framework says: Aim for 25-30g of protein per meal. Fill at least half your plate with colorful vegetables - rotate them, try different ones, include some fermented vegetables when you can. Add a moderate portion (around a quarter of your plate) of whole-food carbs if they fit your needs (sweet potatoes, brown rice, quinoa). Include healthy fats throughout the day from sources like nuts, seeds, or avocado - they don’t have to be part of every meal.
See the difference?
The framework tells you the principles. The menu tells you the execution.
With a framework, you understand WHY protein matters (satiety, muscle preservation, metabolism). You learn WHAT vegetables do for you (fiber, nutrients, volume). You figure out HOW different foods make you feel.
Then you design your own meals based on what you like, what’s available, what fits your schedule, what sounds good today.
You have guardrails - you’re not just winging it. But within those guardrails, you have enormous flexibility.
Why Frameworks Work Better
You Own It
When you have input and choice, it’s YOUR plan. You’re not complying with someone else’s rules - you’re executing your own strategy.
That shift from external compliance to internal ownership changes everything. You’re more motivated. More invested. More likely to stick with it when things get hard.
It Fits Your Actual Life
You can adapt the framework to your reality. Your schedule. Your preferences. Your budget. Your family’s needs.
Going to a birthday party? You understand the framework, so you can make choices that work. Have protein, enjoy the cake if you want it, load up on vegetables elsewhere that day. You’re not “off plan” - you’re working within your framework.
No More All-or-Nothing
There’s no such thing as “blowing it” when you’re working within a framework. Some days you nail it perfectly. Some days you don’t hit every guideline. Both are fine. You’re not starting over - you’re just continuing to work within your guardrails.
Had pizza at your kid’s party? Great. You understand how it fits (or doesn’t) within your overall approach. You adjust your other meals. You move on. No drama. No spiral. No “well, I already ruined it, might as well eat everything.”
You’re Learning, Not Just Following
When you follow a menu, you never learn anything except how to follow instructions.
When you work with guidelines, you become educated about yourself. You learn what keeps you full. What you actually enjoy eating. How different foods affect your energy. What portions work for your body.
You become the expert on YOU.
It Evolves with You
Your needs change. Your preferences shift. Your schedule varies. Your appetite fluctuates.
A framework can adapt. You can adjust the guardrails as you learn more. Try things. See what works. Keep what serves you, discard what doesn’t.
A menu becomes obsolete the moment your life changes. A framework grows with you.
The Real Power: Becoming Your Own Expert
Here’s what I’m most passionate about: when you stop waiting for someone to tell you what to eat and start learning the principles, you open up space for something transformative.
Experimentation.
You get to be curious. You get to discover what actually works for YOUR body, not what works in theory or worked for someone else.
This is what experimentation looks like:
You try having your biggest meal at lunch. Does it keep you satisfied all afternoon, or are you starving by dinner? You find out. You adjust.
You test different protein sources. How do you feel after chicken versus fish versus lentils versus tofu? You discover your preferences and responses.
You experiment with meal timing. Does breakfast help you control hunger, or can you comfortably fast until noon? You learn your patterns.
You try vegetables you’ve never had. Do you love roasted cauliflower but hate it steamed? Do Brussels sprouts give you energy or make you feel heavy? You figure it out.
You play with workout timing. Does morning exercise energize you or drain you? Do you need food before or after? What actually makes you more likely to show up consistently?
This is your education in yourself.
Not an education in what works for someone else. Not following someone else’s success story. Learning what works for YOU.
Don’t get me wrong. You still need to know what’s recommended, what the research says, what might be the impact of your food choices, in your body, on your biology - that’s really important. But you are then able to test those ideas based on your experiece, and tweak them to your needs.
And here’s the beautiful part: as you learn, you become more attuned. More confident. More capable of navigating any situation.
Unexpected work dinner? You know how to make choices that support your goals. No menu required.
Traveling? You understand the principles, so you can adapt on the fly.
Family gathering with foods you didn’t plan for? You know how to enjoy the meal and get back to your framework afterward.
You’re not “on” or “off” a diet. You’re not following or failing a plan. You’re just living your life, making informed choices, learning as you go.
“But I’m Scared to Do It Alone”
I hear you. After years of being told what to do, the idea of figuring it out yourself feels overwhelming.
Let’s address what might be stopping you:
“I don’t know what the framework should be. What are the guardrails?”
That’s exactly what I’m here to help with. We’ll be covering all the key principles in upcoming posts - protein targets (around 30g per meal, 1.2g per kg body weight per day), how to structure your plate, which foods support satiety, how to manage cravings.
You don’t need to figure it out alone. You just need to learn the principles, then apply them in your own way.
Check out the full protein guide, to start with.
“I’m scared I’ll mess it up.”
Of course you are. We’ve been conditioned to think there’s a “right” way and a “wrong” way.
But here’s the truth: there’s no messing up when you’re experimenting. Some things work well. Some things don’t. Both outcomes teach you something.
Start with one guideline. Master it. Then add the next one. You’re not overhauling everything overnight.
A great place to start: increase your protein at breakfast. Just that one thing. See how it affects your hunger. Build from there.
“I’ve never thought about food this way. I just eat what’s offered or what I feel like.”
That’s okay. Many of us have become disconnected from our food choices.
Start with mindfulness - and I promise it’s simpler than it sounds. Before you eat, pause. Ask yourself: How hungry am I? What am I in the mood for - sweet or savory? What texture would satisfy me?
While you eat, pay attention. Notice flavors, textures, how you feel.
After you eat, check in. Are you satisfied? Still hungry? Overly full?
You’re not analyzing every bite. You’re just reconnecting with your body’s signals. Over time, this gets easier and more automatic. Research even suggests that being more mindful while eating can improve satiety and help you recognize fullness cues better.
“Without a menu, won’t I drift too far off course?”
Research shows the opposite. People with flexibility within guidelines have better adherence, not worse.
Accountability doesn’t require someone telling you to eat 10 almonds at 3pm. It requires clarity about your principles and honest assessment of whether you’re working within them.
Are you hitting your protein target most days? Managing your overall intake? Including vegetables regularly? Strength training consistently?
Those questions provide accountability without micromanaging every gram on your plate.
This Isn’t About 12 Weeks. It’s About Forever
The goal isn’t to follow a menu perfectly for 12 weeks.
The goal is to develop a sustainable, healthy way of eating that supports your body and fits your life. Forever.
Not just during “the diet.” Forever. Through weight loss and maintenance. Through busy seasons and calm ones. Through celebrations and regular Tuesdays.
That can only happen when you stop outsourcing decisions and start learning to partner with yourself.
You don’t need someone to tell you to eat 10 almonds at 3pm. You need to understand that protein-rich snacks, ones that also provide fiber and are plant based, help manage hunger while supporting your microbiome - then figure out which ones you’ll actually have available and enjoy.
You don’t need someone to prescribe your exact breakfast. You need to know that starting your day with adequate protein helps with satiety, then discover which high-protein breakfasts work for your morning routine.
You don’t need a meal plan that treats you like you’re incapable of thinking for yourself. You need a framework that treats you like the capable adult you are.
Your Next Step
Stop looking for the perfect menu.
Start learning the framework.
Yes, it requires more thinking at first. Yes, you’ll make choices that don’t work perfectly. Yes, it feels harder than just following instructions.
But here’s what also happens:
You become empowered. You learn what works for YOUR body. You develop skills that serve you for life. You stop yo-yo dieting. You stop starting over every Monday.
You build something sustainable. Something flexible. Something that adapts with you.
Not something that works for 12 weeks. Something that works for 12 years.
The research backs this approach. The results support it. And more importantly, the women who embrace it find freedom they never had while following someone else’s menu.
You’re capable of this.
You don’t need to be told how many peas to eat. You need to understand why vegetables matter, then figure out which ones you’ll actually eat consistently.
You don’t need someone else’s plan. You need your own framework.
That’s the approach that works. Not because it’s easier.
Because it’s yours.
Thanks for reading! I’m building this space for women who want sustainable, healthy sane weight loss, for life.
Tell me in the comments what topics you’d love more of, or forward this post to someone who needs some inspiration and support on their journey.
Love this!!